Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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