so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
