A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
