We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
accomplished twins. life is a go
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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