Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and you fell through a lawn chair
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize