we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When did angry sex become our thing?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
