the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
