well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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