Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize