totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
organizing the empties. That sober.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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