forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
