so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
