You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
