So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
