As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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