Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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