mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
