I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
