Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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