What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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