Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
