I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
