trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
