You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
