why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
