ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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