Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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