i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
