i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
