Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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