i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
