when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
