Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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