I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
