He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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