ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
