so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I want is dick and wine.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
