he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize