You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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