Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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