If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
