clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
