There was a lot of him and a little penis
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
