Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
