I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
