Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
