oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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