I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
