Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize