I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
