C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
