I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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