I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
