there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
