there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
