A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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