More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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