Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
