I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
