you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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