a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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