Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
