dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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