i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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