So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
