Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
